An open note of apology
In the past several years I have developed several homepages, (online presence) blogs, posts of many types, pictorials, posted video about my life, self happenings, and so on. I belong to several social networks, many of which I rarely log onto with any frequency or at all. I have dedicated pages to certain points in my life, career growth, work or business/services I may do. I have thanked many. And have many more to thank that I have never mentioned.
A key component missing to all of these places in which I reside, is the one person whom has truly made it all possible and the one I failed overall to ever mention in any true light. At this time I highly question my deserving such a wonderful human being and beautiful woman in my life.
My wonderful wife Tamara. Tami has arguably been the true force and presence of most anything I have done positive in my life for almost 19 years now. My consistency in my work tenure, my homebase, and improvements as a, person, and sometimes culinarian, is all attributed to her patience with me as well, love, and constant support of me regardless of how difficult I have been on occasions too numerous to list.
She only wants for me to be happy and demonstrates this unconditionally daily.
Tami, became a part of my life when I probably needed it most. I was "life changing" at the time, and had no one to share it with or to grow or learn from. She too was going through her own changes and we met at a good time for one another.
After a couple of pretty good years as a couple, Tami ended up making bigger life changes in uplifting her career and homebase, and moving out to the midwest with me after a short separation, which jump started my career, and ultimately garnered her a new one.
This has been the trend of our relationship for most of my life with her. I take, and she gives. And keeps on giving. While I'd like to think I have accomplished some good things for us, and I have maybe helped others, I have always done a poor job of recognizing the most important person next to me. Tamara. I cannot put into words the pain and frustration I have caused her for numerous mistakes I have made, and I know most woman would never had put up with my selfish and oftentimes totally thoughtless behavior.
While we were out in the midwest, I'd like to believe that one thing I was able to do, was to help get her out of the world of ridiculous, soulless, life crushing hours of work in hotels and foodservice by making such a dramatic change. I do however, ultimately know this was to be of her own making.
She did all of the leg work, took massive paycuts and humbling in both her status and position to achieve something that provided her ultimately with a lifestyle that I believe she wants, and helped her too to grow personally, and get in touch with herself and God. I am forever humbled by what she has achieved, personally and professionally since. She made this happen. I just happen to provide a catalyst that helped make it possible. Tami, through the years has watched me struggle with my career and lack of all things family focused. My career and what happens to it has been all consuming along with other personal "isms" that are shared only between only her and I.
My time spent on the internet and with computers in general, developing an online presence is one that I have enjoyed a great deal, however has come with it's own set of problems. The time I spend doing it. It has really been a huge time waste. And if I could say to anyone out there, start putting a stopwatch on your internet computer time. A lot of your life is blowing away looking at an LCD monitor.
This open apology is mainly meant to be for my wife, as well is a dedication of sorts, but also to any of you whom read this and have believed in me ever.
The impression I have been giving is a false one, in many ways. My web presence makes me appear to be completely self sustaining, and without anyone in my life at all. That is both dishonest, and generally misleading on many other levels. For this, I apologize. I have gotten caught up in the selfish nature that is and can be the life, and speed of the internet. And in the process never thought to ever mention the one whom has at the very least made it all possible for me.
I love Tami completely for everything, Tami is, and is not.
I am ever so fortunate to have her in my life, and with any luck at all and possibly help from the man upstairs, it will continue to my dying days. I love you Tami, and always will. I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me for being such a selfish Jerk for so long! I also look at this note as a very small token of a fresh start to us and what will be a much more disciplined, managed, and reasonable amount of time spent with internet use, and the greatest focus on my study, and appreciation of you whom are my family, my love, my life.
Tamara, I want so much to grow old with you, and only you.